I have so much I want and could write about but alongside my running mojo, I am sure I have lost my writing mojo.
Nothing ground breaking has happened in life, I honestly think I have just worn out all over. My legs are in foul form and its definitely not DOMs. As I’m able to walk, I’m able to walk for miles in fact. They just have no inclination to run.
This worries me but then again I can understand why they may be in protest at me. Just over a month ago I ran a marathon, a marathon that I trained hard for, so it wasn’t a total shock to the system, my legs where ready for it. As I stood at the start line my legs felt fresh and I was dying to run. Even on reflection every good race I had last year, when I look back to the start line, I was confident my legs where ready and felt good. I don’t have that anymore. When I try to run my legs are like lead, flip sake, I cried during Parkrun. Yet it isn’t pain, it isn’t isolated, its just meh. All over heaviness and doesn’t ease, actually it intensifies.
What lingers in the back of my mind is that my “runiversary” is happening in 2 weeks. So it’ll be a year since my first race. Its a really tough 10k, one of the harder of the forest runs. I smashed it last year out of the blue. When I say smashed it, it was well above my expectations. Thing is my expectations have got higher now and as I was knocking minutes off pbs the start of 2016- 7 minutes in 3 months of my 10k to be exact. I’ve been tooting around the same time and then I had the mad notion for Dublin and times slowly dropped as distance went up.
Like I didn’t expect times to return to normal post marathon, but I did expect that I might have fresh legs and be knocking on the door of previous times by now. I did learn my lesson last year not to over think a race as it’ll only end up eating away at me. I should just enjoy it but you can’t help but want to do better than you did last year. After all I’ve ran all distances so I should be capable of much more.
Its like Parkrun on Saturday, I know I am better than 38minutes however I had nothing to give. I was that upset mid race that by 4k I had to totally empty the tank to just get it finished or I was going to break down and there was 4 minutes difference between my 4th and 5th km, though an uphill vs downhill section would have greatly affected that.
Don’t get me wrong I am loving being out walking, I’ve enjoyed some of the fabulous sights of the Mournes and unseasonably mild weather. No pressure to stick to times, just me and the path in front. Fresh air has a lot to answer for! I’ve had some great conversations with myself and also with Michael and Collette who have joined me on my travels.
See my writing mojo is lost as this is just a whole pile of jibberish and I can’t find my positives!!!
So what am I doing about it? Well I’m ranting random jibberish so that’s a start. I’ve cut back on the longer walks and the elevation gain. So just long walks on smaller hills- there is no such thing as flat walks here and I don’t like walks that only take an hour. I’ve not went to Intervals tonight so nothing intense on my legs. I’ll go to my usual pt session with Shane at 7am and spin and core at 9.30 followed by probably an hour lying in the Jacuzzi rubbing my legs in hope that they will magically get better. In fairness I can manage that session myself not too bad as you get what you put in sort of thing.
I’m feeling perplexed and holding on to what hope I have left I suppose. I am hoping that this feeling is down to the darker nights, the time of year, post marathon life and expectations, a kind of end of year depression after what has been an epic year. Realistically I know I need to cut back to nothing really and just wait it out. Which quite frankly I just don’t want to do and can’t mentally do.
So I guess I won’t really be saying much until I find myself and find not only my legs but my drive. I need to pick a fight with someone or something to fire me up, may be. Feeling very much in limbo and slightly lost. But hey, smiling on and into the festive season where more than likely my legs will fall off in Kilbroney or shatter to pieces in the Cracker. Time will tell.