I’m Tired and Emotional

I’m Tired and Emotional

There’s nobody out there who knows your body better than yourself, so they say. But I think a few people seen this coming before I felt it.

I’ve found the concept of marathon training this week very difficult both physically and mentally. After my super human performace across 5 days last week. I’ve barely gathered myself to make 10k steps a day never mind get the short run and some cross training done.

I burnt out and my legs gave up. So off to physio to see if the pain in my right thigh was a structural issue or just a protest. Thankfully it is just on protest and with sensible training I shouldn’t have too much of a problem.

So define sensible…

Sunday: I literally done nothing

Monday: I walked a bit and done some cleaning

Tuesday: Physio so skipped club run

Wednesday: I went to the gym to see Shane and we worked the upper body only. My legs where only needed for getting to and from the car.

My leg is still sore and I fear for Dermots session tomorrow night. I’ve 17 mile on the plan for Saturday and that is my priority. I’ve already began hydrating to within an inch of my life and have routes mapped.

However today I hit my first big emotional wall. I was teary when I was in Dublin at the weekend but today Michael and I drove the potential route for my big runs of 20/22 mile. Then the magnitude of what I was going to do, hit me. It’s a bloody long way.

I then found myself being consumed by my fails and deeper darker secrets which I’ve overcome to get to this point. Yes it has reminded me that I have overcome some serious hurdles, that I am relentless in my pursuit to succeed and that I’m stronger than anyone could even imagine.  Life has not been easy for me and I am still trying to figure out who I really am after years of hiding and supression, living a life of lies to save someone else’s ass, whilst sacraficing my own happiness and identity. However putting all the gains aside, the doom does easily drag you down regardless of how positively you look at it.

On a physical note. I am over 8 stone lighter than I was 3 years ago. The dedication to see that through and to continue to chip away at it shows I can be focused. 

I need to remember that I only started running 11 months ago. And at that I had no intention to even run 10k never mind a full marathon. I’ve defied my harshest critics to pull 3 half marathons and 2 longer runs out of the bag at this point.  So who am I not to be proud, who am I to doubt myself? 

I am who I am, however this week learning that even though the plan in theory looks good, it’s a work in progress and I need to assess each day and if I’m not feeling it, I need to change the plan to suit what is best for me. I am special, I am also human and I need to know when to rest and also when to cry.

26.2 mile is a VERY long way. There’s no denying that. I will cross that line and it won’t be easy to get there. It will be a fantastic achievement that will be be engraved on my headstone. .here lies Siobhan Grant…Marathon Runner and brutally honest badass. 
Now to get a grip. Pull my big girl pants on and blow all those bad thoughts out of my head and recategorise them into their relevant departments in the deep dark unknown parts of my brain. 

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One thought on “I’m Tired and Emotional

  1. I only did my first marathon a year and a half ago so I am in no way a seasoned marathon runner, but I can say I LOVE those big long distance training runs that so terrified me when I saw them coming up on that first training plan. My advice would be to dial into a podcast or music, forget about pace, and just enjoy the time to be outside, time completely for YOU, where you don’t have to do anything except just keep putting one foot in front of another. It really is that simple!

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