I’m sure every runner has that one thing which gives them a virtual kick on route in the middle of the run to get them to the end.
I’ve seen many people before a race dedicating each mile to someone special to get them through it. Others I am sure are driven by their own personal competition to be consistsntly better and knowing that giving up isn’t an option.
A friend tonight posted about being out for a run and how it was one of those days where she doubted her ability and her fitness just because it was a tough run.
It got me thinking about the moments I hit whilst out on a run and what picks me up.
I’m a very emotive runner. I would one minute be running with a smile plastered across my face then 2 minutes later I’d have tears rolling down my face.
A year ago I was on all sorts of anti depressants and anxiety tablets to keep me functioning. Now I just have running.
I’ve a very dark past, one which I recently faced head on and finally put to rest in the courts in 2013. I lost a lot in that battle but it didn’t measure up to what I gained not only personally but for society and the development of the law in similar cases.
However it is the outcome of that case that spurs me on when I am struggling. I spent years having my dreams and aspirations suppressed by those who wanted to control me more so for their own safety and reputations. I was always lead to believe that I couldn’t do things or achieve something I wanted. I coasted a long in life never really challanging myself as I never had the support that even if it was a ridiculous idea that there was unconditional support.
Being on the heavier side, my mum would poke fun at any idea I had that I could do something athletic and succeed. Even whilst wedding dress shopping she commented that we would need to buy a particular dress as there would be nothing else out there that would do me as much justice.
So what has that got to do with running? It’s pretty simple when I am struggling I hear her voice nagging me…telling me that it was a stupid idea to run and I was never capable of it.
Ok not the positive encouragement whilst out running but I am driven by spite quite strangely. I don’t think I’ll ever get over my past but I know I am finding ways to cope with it. I know in myself that I am stronger than I ever thought both mentally and physically. I know I want to prove her wrong everytime I set my garmin and go.
I am going to complete this marathon and I will show the world that I can be apart of that elite 1% of people to have done one. Nothing understated or mediocre about that. An achievement which seems madness to many but to me it’s something I will do and will nail.